Welcome to Corso Causes Brain Damage, just another unfunny ESPN-inspired comedy site focused on the innards and outards of the college football scene. I'd do my musings on basketball but I'd be unfunny in explaining how Rashard McCants fucking Kim Kardasssssshian's Shrek sister is ruining his game. I'm also lame at headline news, baseball, football, and other sports focused on professionals. Or even college football. So I'll stick to young boys and the almost pro game [re: also known as non-Alabama].
What do I bring to the table? Nothing absolutely fresh. My four semesters at the University of Miami only lends credence to the notion that I have zero background in what I'm talking about. Should that stop anyone from voicing an opinion? No. Patrick Nix should have been shitcanned the day he was hired. Do I need to be an alumni to make that claim? No. I just know what I see on the field. The guy was clearly incompetent with his Bob Fosse styled bubble screens that never worked and was fearful of any type of running based attack even though he has 3 of the best tailbacks in the conference on his roster. Loser.
Am I here to tear people down? Yes. I subscribe to the philosophy (the thought process and not to be confused with the guy on Sundays on CBS trying to explain simple things teams can do to win games that any idiot who isn't first named Phil can come up with) that you must tear a guy down in order to build him back up. "Builds character, you pussy" said my Dad. Who else is going to do it? ESPN? Bob Costa? The Buzz? No. They're too busy fellating these guys [loose term for unqualified coaches, overly cocky players, and unsexy atheltic directors] for quotes in exchange for access. I have zero interest in access. I've never step foot in a news room and have no interest in ever doing so. A degree in journalism does nothing if you're too afraid to use it.
Big talk, asshole. Why the hiding behind the screen name if you're such an internet badass? Well, until I get paid, I have to have a real job and that job can't be completed with Stacey Dales chasing me down outside the office trying to get me to admit to calling Nick Saban an absolute abomination on the human race [which I will do often] on camera. Just not my style.
I don't know how this turned into an interview conducted by myself about me but I'm sorry.
In conclusion, I thought I'd end this introduction with my views on the following:
1. When you are fired from a major instution, do NOT assume you can transition easily from the sideline to the analysis chair. Dear God was it difficult to have to watch Philip Fulmer and Terry Bowden mumble through awkward segues for Capital One Bowl week. Maybe communication deficieny skills was one of the several kill shots for their termination. That and the pathetic on-field performance of teams highly ranked in the preseason.
2. Preseason polls are gayer than Rachel Maddow blowing Ellen Degeneres with Jeremy Piven's skin flute.
3. Utah should join the Pac 10. Maybe playing in a legitimate conference would stop their usual 4 year bitchfest for being left out of the BCS.
4. The BCS is gayer than Kim Cattral riding bareback on Billie Jean King's tennis racket dildo.
5. Calling something gay is not disparaging to homosexual people. Just so you know, I have a gay friend. He says a lot dirtier stuff than I could ever imagine to print on an internet screen. A sample: "Blowfishing" is a term he coined for someone who blows a load in a guy's ass and snorts it out with their nose. Yes. That is disgusting.
Welcome to the site. Hope your stay in hell is just as pleasant as mine. Tip Hitler on your way out.
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